


Out in the Cold

by Naja_Moonshadow



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Disabled Character, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fear of Death, Grief, Other, Swearing. A lot of swearing, talk of death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-13
Updated: 2018-01-13
Packaged: 2019-03-04 10:10:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13362411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Naja_Moonshadow/pseuds/Naja_Moonshadow
Summary: Evelyn McCay did not expect to live as long as she has. Nor did she expect to die quite like this....





	Out in the Cold

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This started as a challenge from a friend, to write a short-story based around a Original Character, make it as 'without-context' as possible, and do my best to make the character as canon-believable as possible in a random non-canon situation/setting. Hopefully I've succeeded. Because it was such an awesome challenge (and rather difficult with those limitations), I based my main character Evelyn around the challenger herself. Thank you Rachel, for always pushing my abilities. 
> 
> Disclaimers: I do not own any of these characters except Evelyn (and that's debatable). I am not disabled myself, so this character was written from the approved viewpoint of my friend, who checked through to make sure I'd captured her with reasonable accuracy.

     Evelyn had never really noticed how dense silence could be. How tangible a thing it was, how it could feel like a living presence hovering over the heads of those who suffered it, and how strange and somehow frightening it felt to attempt to break it. She sat in her half of the silence, her hands still now on the controls of the puddle-jumper. They had been still for some time now, an hour at least she thought, their inactivity had at first felt like a momentary pause—a break for rest you might say—and now it began to feel like a sentence.

     Her companion was still too. He had been working; she had listened to his breathing and his quiet snarling as he rearranged the innards of their crippled transport until finally he too had gone still. At first she thought he might be brainstorming, considering his options, but as the silence stretched between them she knew that it was because he had come to the same place she now occupied. The silent dawning of the fatality of their predicament had stilled them both. Now the silence waited to see which of them would bravely snap its ominous hold.

     Finally Evelyn turned slowly, her head angling back to look down the length of the puddle jumper. The emergency lights were dim, but she could see him. He was looking back at her, his golden eyes invisible in his pale face, but their hard gaze was as palpable as the silence.

     “I can’t get the COM’s working.” She said quietly, taking the first step into the silence. He stirred a little, his head tilting to look up at the ruin of the control panels and finally lowering to look back at her.

     “We have no power except what runs these lights.” He rose from his precarious seat, his height even more impressive in the cramped space. “The conduits were too badly damaged by the EM pulse.”

     “The crystals are blown.” She agreed. She looked down at her hands, the dim lights throwing dancing shadows across her field of vision as Todd moved about back of the cabin. There was blood on her hands. She stared at it, feeling bile sting the back of her throat. For a moment, she remembered being a child and felt again the burn of a skinned knee…but the blood was not hers. It was Lt. Williams.

     The blood on her hands had come from the console. She looked at it, her eyes tracing the splatters across the smashed console. She could almost see the way his face must have collided with the panel; the spider-web of cracks across the interface could easily be where his cheek crushed against it, the star-field of dark smears…she jerked her eyes away, sucking in a deep breath and shoving the morbid thought away from her.

     “I think I can get a little of the auxiliary power back online if we use the lights as small batteries.” She said to the listening air. Todd had stopped moving again, and when she turned in the chair she saw him bending over the mangled body of Major Bentley. He looked up as she spoke, probably in time to see the flicker of curious horror on her face, though if he did he said nothing. As he stood, she saw the pain that rippled across his features, the way his left arm went to his midsection in a protective reflex. Neither of them had mentioned it, but she could hear the slightly labored way he breathed. The injury was severe, if his Wraith abilities had not dealt with it. He had been thrown pretty hard when they impacted and he had survived only because he was not human.

    “Then do it.” He growled at her, “The temperature is already dropping.”

     “It will not be enough to power the heaters, or even com’s.” She sighed softly, “It’ll be enough to get the HUD working, if the interface isn’t too badly damaged. We’ll be able to tell how far away we are from the compound…”

     “Work.” He replied quietly and she turned away from him. Her head ached and she wiped away the warm blood that was seeping down the side of her face. A concussion, she was pretty sure, was the last of her problems but she was well aware that she probably had a pretty nasty cut. She tugged her hat further down on her head and went to work.

     The silence returned. It settled like a blanket, muffling even her thoughts. Her hands were trembling as she worked, but she didn’t know if it was the cold that was beginning to nip at her nose or the shock of the crash. It didn’t matter really; shock was shock, whether it was from trauma or hypothermia.

     “Could you plug these in?” She turned to her companion, surprised to find him standing right behind her chair. His alien eyes followed her pointing and after a moment he struggled to his knees, pawing through the cracked crystals until he found the two she wanted. His hands were shaking too, but she knew why his hands shook. “And my tablet….” She pointed again, further back in the jumper and he snarled as he stood.

     The tablet arrived in her hands with some force, her palms stinging from the impact and she gave him a quick smile of thanks, ignoring the sour expression his pale face. The screen was cracked, but it was in better shape than the HUD and she plugged it in, dropping the cord twice before she managed to connect it.

     “Well?” He demanded, his low voice filling the cabin like thunder. She studied the readout, adjusting the power levels until she was satisfied. Silence returned for a moment, but she drove it back with a long, soft sigh.

     “We’re about two miles from the compound.” She said quietly. “The storm will be directly over us in about forty minutes.”

     “When will it pass?” He demanded. She rearranged the readout, eeking a little more from the damaged sensors of the puddle-jumper. She didn’t need to ask why he cared when the storm would pass. She knew already.

     “The size of this system….about four hours.” She looked up at him and he held her gaze for a few seconds. “Enough time for it to get damn cold in here.”

     “There is no way to reroute the power to the heating system?”

     “It’s toast.” She shook her head; when he frowned she re-phrased. “The conduits are too badly damaged. Even if I could boost the output on the emergency lights—which I can’t—there’s no way to get the heating units to function enough to cook an egg, let alone heat us.”

     “Can we convert something into a heating unit?”

     “Todd.” She said softly and he looked down at her. “Look…it doesn’t matter if we get the heat back on, we wouldn’t have enough power to maintain a livable temperature…it’s close to -40 below out there.” She looked out the spider-fractured windshield at the snow that was already beginning to pile up against the glass. He looked at it too and after a moment he snarled and turned, storming into the aft section and sitting down hard on one of the broken seats.

     Evelyn looked down at the tablet in her hands, watching the flickering signal from the compound. Two miles. Not even a two hour stroll…her mouth twisted in a sour grin and she looked down at her legs. For someone else, maybe.

     Her companion leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes, his arm wrapped protectively around his middle. He was injured, badly by the look of it. She turned her eyes to the bodies on the floor, their still forms almost inhuman in the gloom. Her head ached and she turned away from the cabin, closing her own eyes. It was ironic, she thought, that she and Todd had survived. It was even more ironic that, of the two of them, he should have been the one injured. Of the two of them, only he could make the walk through the icy cold, two miles to the compound. And the compound they had just so narrowly escape was, ironically, the only place where they could hope to find help. Or, at the very least, a way off the planet.

     She and a Wraith. She sighed softly and opened her eyes. It was already beginning to grow cold in the cabin. She could feel the chill air sheeting off the glass, her breath forming a pale cloud against her lips.

    Evelyn freed the tablet’s strap from its velcro back and looped it over her shoulder. With effort, she forced the chair to turn a little so that she could maneuver her useless legs around. Her crutches sat, leaning innocently, against the co-pilots chair.

     Todd looked up as she made her awkward way across the ruined cabin, her shuffling gait weirdly loud in the quiet. She set the tablet down on the nearest bench in the aft section and turned, putting pressure on the doors and shoving them closed. Her shoulders ached—her whole body ached really—and she was fucking tired.

    She moved around the bodies, settling herself awkwardly across from Todd, her braced legs sticking out before her as she set her crutches next to her. He watched her from beneath lowered lids, his huge frame hunched in the gloom.

     “So.” She said softly. “Are we going to address this issue?”

     “What issue?” He growled and she laughed a little, her headache making the impossible humor of their situation far funnier than it really was.

     “You, me and two miles to the compound.” She answered, shifting her weight and pulling her right leg closer with her hand. “You’ve done the math, and so have I.”

    “You’re brother will be looking for you.”

    “And he won’t find us. Not in this shit.” She looked up at the ceiling and shook her head. “Frankly, I’m disappointed in you. It’s un-Wraithlike to even suggest there is another option.” She gave him a lopsided smile and he lifted his head to fix her with a hard stare. She let the quiet stretch for a moment before she sighed. “You’re going to make me say it aren’t you…Todd…I want you to feed off me.”

    “That’s a very generous offer.” He growled softly at her and she sighed.

    “It’s the _only_ offer. I can’t make it two miles through the snow—fuck…I can’t make it even if I wasn’t….” She stopped, bitterness suddenly overwhelming her and she found herself fighting the urge to cry in sudden, angry frustration, “wasn’t like this. But you can. You’re hurt…your chances improve astronomically if you’re in perfect health when hiking two miles across the fucking frozen tundra.”

     “You do not seem to have the faith in your brother that others do.” He tilted his head and she laughed sadly.

     “Mere is smart, he really is…but so am I. And so are you.” She added the last with a razor’s edge, fixing him with a cold stare. “You and I both worked it out the moment we hit the ground.”

     “I thought you would like to prolong the suspense.” He offered her and she laughed, bitter humor making her voice a little higher than usual.

     “I hate surprises.” She rested her back against the wall and sighed. “Look, the storm passes in four hours…that’s your best shot.”

     “Agreed.”

     “And it gives me time.” She looked at the tablet, her heart suddenly squeezing painfully. “Time to get a message together.”

     “You really will allow me to feed from you?”

     “I really will. That data we stole has to get back to Atlantis.” She forced her legs beneath her, using one crutch to balance her as she reached for the tablet. Pulling it into her lap she thumbed it on, looking at the readouts. “This has to get back to Mere and John…”

     “And you would trust me to deliver it?”

     “Your ass is as much on the line as ours.” She replied easily, “Without it we’re all fucked. Metaphorically speaking.”

     “You’re taking your impending painful death very well.” He shifted a little and the sudden movement brought her eyes up to his sharply. She swallowed, her heart squeezing painfully again and she looked away, suddenly unable to hold the Wraith’s hard gaze.

     “I’ve lived on borrowed time since I was fourteen. And this way…my agonizing demise will at least save a few people. Including you.” She added sharply and hefted the tablet. “Now shut up, I have to convince my brother not to have you immediately shot.”

     “That will take some doing.” Todd rumbled and she shot him a hard, sad stare.

     “Yeah…” She agreed softly and switched it over to record. Lifting it, she made sure she could see her face at least partly in the dim light and braced the tablet on a torn wall bracket. “Ok…um. Hi Mere…” She cleared her throat and wiped seeping blood from her cheek. “Look…I don’t know how to do this shit so…we’ve crashed—well, actually those bastards shot us down—but the point is…we’ve got no power. They used some kind of modified EMP, fried our engine and the damn backup batteries. Everything else got busted all to hell in the crash—we’ve got emergency lights. That’s it. It’s forty below outside and we’ve got the storm of the century burying us in snow. Its two miles back to the compound—which will be guarded and still pissed off—Williams and Bentley were killed on impact. It’s just me and Todd.” She sighed and glanced at her companion, who watched her through half-lowered lids. It felt strange doing this with him there, watching her, judging her. She looked back at the screen. “We got a boatload of data from them…but we’re not getting out of here. So...damn. I suck at this…” She shook her head.

     “I want Todd to…I’ve told him to feed off me. Willingly. It was my idea, so don’t get your boxers in a bunch. He’s hurt badly and I can’t make it through the snow. It’s going to get damn cold in here, so I’ll freeze to death anyway. I want him to do this….please don’t shoot him. He worked hard to find a way for us to escape. And he’s brought you lots of really great data on the Replicators. ” It wasn’t a lie, not really. She looked across at him and found his head tilted, his gaze fierce. “Look….I’m a burden Mere. I know it… and I’m sick of this shit.” She felt her chest tightening, the ache in her belly seizing her in a fierce grip. “I’m not doing this crap…I love you Mere, I love you and Jeanie and Maddy. I’m sorry that I wasn’t better at being your sister. I hope you all have really long lives…I hope you’re all really happy. And Meredith, please…please try to remember that it wasn’t your fault.” She tried to smile, but her face refused. Her heart was pounding in her chest, a hard, steady ache. “I um…I love you and…bye, I guess.” She shook her head, wiping away the tears that escaped with a savage hand. “Yeah. Bye Mere.” She turned off the recorder and dropped the tablet onto the seat next to her.

     Her fingers found holds in the torn fabric of the seat and she felt her knuckles crack from the strain of her grip. Tears leaked down her cheeks, hot against her cold skin and she wiped them away as they fell, her teeth sinking into her lower lip to stop it trembling. She would not be a coward. With effort, she lifted her eyes to his and held his alien gaze.

     “When do you want to do this?” She demanded softly, ignoring the slight hitch in her voice. He tilted his head slowly, his pale hair a spider’s tangled web about his face. She found it very odd to feel a sudden comfort in his presence, since he was very soon going to be the instrument of her incredibly painful death.

     “I assumed you would wish to live as long as possible.” He replied, the rumbling trill in his voice both familiar and alien at once. She nodded, then smiled sardonically.

     “I don’t know why. Seems stupid to prolong it for both of us.”

     “There is no need to do it now.” He replied easily and she shrugged, wrapping her arms around herself, shivering a little as her adrenaline began to wear off. “Are you cold?” He asked and she nodded, sighing softly.

     To her infinite surprise, he forced himself to rise, snarling softly in pain, but he settled himself next to her, his huge form eclipsing her own smaller one. Her surprise was overwhelming when he quietly began toying with the front of his leather coat, releasing hidden snaps there until he pulled it back and open.

     “This is so cliché.” She muttered, but accepted the arm that he settled around her shoulders and the leather he pulled around her.

     “What is…cliché?” He rumbled and she found herself smiling grimly.

     “The girl in romantic situations always gets cold and the boy always offers to let her sit in his coat.” She replied, squirming a bit to get comfortable with her awkward legs. “It’s such an overdone trope.”

     “Romantic?” He tilted his head and she grinned up at him, suddenly giddy.

     “You’re hardly Ryan Gosling.” She told him, “But I’ve seen worse.”

     “I’m not certain I wish to know what you mean.” He grumbled and she laughed a little, settling her weight against his side gingerly.

     “You don’t.” She replied and sighed, feeling a little warmer despite the radiating tension of her living heater. “You can relax. What’s wrong with me is not contagious.” She told him quietly and felt his shoulder muscles move against her neck. Closing her eyes, she shivered a little and drew closer to his side.

     She half expected the silence to return, but it was only a few minutes before he broke it, the rumble of his voice against her side stirring her from the darker turn of her thoughts.

     “What is wrong with you?” He asked quietly and she shifted a little, uncomfortably.

     “It’s not contagious.” She repeated, and then shrugged a little. “I was in an accident. A car accident when I was 14. Mere and I were going to get food and a vehicle hit ours. Mere was driving…it hit my side of the car. Car’s are like puddle-jumpers with wheels. We use them as transport.” She clarified in a rush, “It wasn’t Mere’s fault, but I don’t think he ever really let himself be forgiven.”

     “This…accident…damaged you?”

     “The metal crushed around me. A piece of my seat-supports drove right through me, the cab crushed inwards and the growth-plates in my legs were all fractured, so my bones couldn’t finish growing properly and the muscles and a bit of the nerves were all fucked up.” She lifted her shirt, leaning away to show him the scar on her lower abdomen. There were, of course, a great deal more on her legs and lower back, but it was far too cold for a complete show-and-tell.  “I was lucky I didn’t just die, and lucky it didn’t squash my spinal column into paste. I’m even luckier because…because I can still move my legs a little and they could fix my guts pretty well. I just don’t have a lot of motor control. Still got feeling though, in most spots.” She made a thumbs up motion. “No diapers for me.”

     “Diapers?”

     “Nevermind.” She shook her head, refusing point-blank to explain that to him.

     “You survived.”

     “I survived. Against everything my doctors told me. I got several infections—lots of crap gets in wounds during accidents—and they told my family I was gone several times, I was in the hospital for almost two damn years. I made it though.” She shifted her weight a little, seeking more warmth and he rearranged his coat across her. “And made it to Atlantis.” She added, only a little smugly. “To be a total bother to my brother, right to very end.” This came out in a quiet voice, her mind reminding her that the end was coming quickly. Outside the storm raged, she could just hear the whine of the wind above the sudden quiet.

     The silence returned then and she didn’t have the heart to break it. She wondered what Mere would tell Jeanie. What Jeanie would tell Maddy. If anyone would ever know the truth.

     She didn’t _want_ to die. Least of all being fed on by a Wraith. Least of all _Todd._ She tilted her head a little and looked up at him. He had leaned his head back, his eyes closed. Of all the Wraith in all the galaxy, she thought with bitter irony, it would be the only one she could call an ally. Almost a friend. At least it was consensual. In a ‘we have absolutely no other choice and you’re going to kill me anyway so I give you my consent’ kind of way.

     The cold bit at her fingers and she wrapped them around one another tightly. How long had it been? Surely it hadn’t been a full hour…that meant she still had the better part of three hours, right? Three hours. Fuck, she thought sourly, she had wasted longer than that playing cards, or having sex. Sex…she wouldn’t ever have sex again. Or drink. Or watch Ronon beat the shit out John. Or watch Ronon do _anything…_ which was a damn shame. She should have asked him out for drinks, or food. He could always eat…she could have pretended it was innocent…. _who am I kidding_ she thought sadly, a wash of self-hatred and grief suddenly swamping her. She was getting caught up in the ‘I should have, I could have’ bullshit. She would _never_ have asked Ronon out for anything, in _any_ manner, casual or not. He was too good looking, too strong and healthy. Everything she herself was not.

     “Are you afraid?” Todd’s voice snapped that train of thought so hard she startled. He had tilted his head to look down at her and she considered it seriously for a moment.

     “Yes.” She said finally. “I’m terrified.”

     “Of the pain?”

     “No…” She shook her head slowly, her hands tightening down around one another like a vise. “Of…letting go. I mean…my existence is pretty shitty sometimes. I live in constant pain really, I never sleep well, I can’t do…well. It doesn’t matter.” She shook her head and snorted, “The basic primal instinct of all living things is to preserve their own sorry lives. No matter how miserable.”

     “Yet you’re going to give your life to me.”

     “Such as it is.” She agreed, shifting around and dragging her stiff legs closer to him. “Todd…if I ask you a question, will you answer honestly? I mean, I’m dead anyway right, who am I going to tell…?”

     “I will answer.” He agreed quietly, “Perhaps.” He added and she grinned, her cheeks aching with cold. Her body was beginning to hurt in earnest and she was already pressed as close to him as she could manage.

     “What do you think of John?” She asked and felt him startle a little. “I mean, you two are like brothers. You constantly fight and insult one another and yet…yet you turn that damn beacon on and John drops everything else to go running to your location. And all we have to do is drop a message in a box on a backwater planet and you appear out of thin air a few hours later.” She tilted her head back and looked up at him, bringing her arms in close and burying her freezing fingers into her armpits. “You must…I don’t know… _like_ him at least a little.”

     Todd was silent for a long moment, long enough that she thought he might not answer her after all, until he finally stirred.

     “You humans enjoy discussing your emotions with one another.” He grumbled and she smiled a little.

     “We don’t have telepathic empathy.” She said softly. “We have to say the words aloud if we want to be sure others understand them.”

     “Yes….” He hissed softly and again, she thought he would leave it at that. She had not truly expected him to answer, but somehow she felt he had almost. She settled against him, content to let the matter drop. His arm tightened a bit around her shoulder and she felt a shiver pass through his body. Her eyes closed and she wondered if she could have imagined a stranger way to live out her last few hours. Cuddling with a Wraith. The Wraith that was going to eat her.

     “Your name…Evelyn McCay….what does it mean?” His voice drew her up once again from the darkening miasma of her thoughts and she shrugged little.

     “I think Evelyn means…pure, or bright. I don’t remember which language it’s from.” She frowned a little, puzzling. “McCay is a surname—a family designation, so to speak. Some people’s have meaning, but if ours does I don’t know it.”

     “Evelyn…” He mouthed her name, rolling the syllables around in his mouth. “Why does your brother dislike being called Meredith?”

     “On Earth we often have gender-specific names. Meredith is a unisex name, but most often it’s a female specific name.”

     “Is your species unable to identify gender without these arbitrary markers?”

     “Do Wraith have unisex names? You should, technically speaking, since biologically over half your species are gender-less.” She countered. “You haven’t even told me your real name.” He growled at her and she laughed, trying not to focus on the way her body had begun to shudder despite her tensing her muscles. “I thought so. Let’s keep the species-insults to a minimum, ok?”

     “Very well.” He rumbled and fell silent once more. This time though, she broke it before it could stretch very far.

     “Todd?”

     “Yes?”

     “You’re male right? I mean, in the ‘can provide genetic material for reproduction’ sense?” She asked and the silence stretched awkwardly for a moment until she sighed. “I’m not asking you to mate with me.”

     “Yes, I’m male.” He replied stiffly.

     “Do you have any children?” She felt him stiffen and she didn’t have to be telepathic to know he was surprised. “I mean…as old as you are…”

     “Yes. I have children.” He surprised her with the first, quiet, honest answer. “I have reproduced over thirty times in my lifetime.”

     “Wow. You must be a stud.” She grinned; to her surprise this translated perfectly and he chuckled, though it broke off in a pained grunt. “Are they…alive?”

     “Some of them.” He replied, “Most are not.” She nodded quietly and his arm rearranged her against his side, pulling his coat in tighter around them as the air continued to grow colder and colder. “You have not reproduced?”

     “No.”

     “Did this…accident prevent it?”

     “Not really…I just never met anyone I wanted to reproduce with.” She shook her head, and then grinned, “Well…I should say I’ve never met anyone I wanted to produce _offspring_ with…”Her grin was lecherous and again, he chuckled, surprising her. “Do Wraith…well, I don’t know—is your reproductive process _fun?”_

     “It is complicated.”

     “Biologically or sociologically?”

     “Both.”

     “Isn’t it always.” She grumbled, thinking of Ronon suddenly. Life is always complicated. Stupid, layered, ridiculous. “Do you have any cute sons?”

     “Cute?”

     “Attractive.” She amended.

     “Are you asking on your own behalf?” He sounded amused and she grinned, shrugging.

     “Well…I mean you’re a bit _old_ for me.” She joked weakly and he chuckled again, sighing as pain tightened his features. “No offense.”

     “I was born long before your Atlantian ancestors even arrived on your home planet.” He said quietly, “No offense is taken, little one.” His arm was growing heavy and she felt a sudden flash of fear that his injury was far worse than he let on.

     “Todd?”

     “Yes?”

     “You can’t die before you eat me.” She shifted around, a blast of freezing air cutting at her skin like glass as she tried to see his face. He snarled at her, his arm yanking her back to his side, resealing the pocket of only slightly warmer air between them.

     “I will not.” He promised in a razor whisper, “But I may feed sooner if you do that again.”

     “Sorry.” She muttered and settled back against his side. This time the silence settled in to stay.

     “Evelyn.” She stirred gently, aware of surfacing from a doze to confusion. “Evelyn…wake.”

     “I’m up.” She started to move, but a hard arm held her tightly. “I’m awake…I’m…oh.” She forced her eyes open. The dim light revealed reality, the cold hard reality. Emphasis on cold. She couldn’t feel her fingers, and her skin felt tight. And just like that, memory came crashing back down on her and she sucked in a sharp breath.

     “The storm has passed.”Todd moved quietly against her side and she stiffened, her heart slamming hard against her ribs as adrenaline shot through her system in a wild rush.

     “Oh.” She said again, more quietly. Looking up at him, she found his gaze on her. “Oh.” She repeated in a strangled whisper.

     “It’s—“

     “I know.” She forced herself to breath. “I can’t believe I fell asleep.”

      “It’s very cold in here.” Indeed, frost had gathered on his hair and around his lips. No wonder she couldn’t feel her fingers—or her ears. And her legs….she couldn’t bear to look at them. Her useless, betraying legs. She couldn’t even run from the fate that now hovered before her. She had fallen asleep. She had only four hours to live and she had wasted it…sleeping. Those precious minutes vanished, wasted as she had wasted so much of her life.

      She could feel the cold gnawing at her. She had fallen asleep because her body was struggling to regulate its functions. A biological inevitability. The first step to hypothermia. She was dying anyway right?

     “Ok.” She whispered, fear gripping her heart in a hard, savage squeeze. “Ok…I…ok…” She felt panic chewing at the edges of her thoughts. She was dying anyway, freezing to death. She was dying anyway…she clung to that thought, like a lifeline. _Oh the irony_ she thought savagely. He was moving against her, stirring his limbs and she forced her freezing body to respond to her commands. The air no longer felt cold to her, and that was a bad sign, she was sure. “What…what position is best?” She asked foolishly, knowing that she was seeking to bring logic and function to something that terrified her. He looked down at her for a long moment, his golden eyes touching the edges of her frozen face and his brow pulled together a little.

     Slowly, painfully, he stirred, shifting around until he could gather her useless, stiff legs up and he laid her across his lap. The position eased the agony in her back a little and she shuddered, his coat wrapping back around her small body, cradled on his lap like a child. His feeding hand eased the zipper down on her coat, exposing her breastbone and she began to cry, very gently. She couldn’t help it. It had seemed so much easier those three precious hours ago, it had seemed so much less immediate to die.

     “Todd?”

     “Yes Evelyn…”

     “Promise me that you’ll get that data back to my brother.”

     “I swear it.” He said softly, his low voice rumbling like thunder in her ears. Her heart was hammering in her chest, so loud she knew he must hear it and she forced herself to look up into his face, to meet the eyes of the creature…no man…who was going to take her life. He met her gaze evenly, and she wondered if it was her imagination that he was smiling, softly. “I will try to make this as quick as I can.” He said, with heart-breaking gentleness and she closed her eyes as his hand came up.

     “Thank you. Todd?”

     “Yes Evelyn?”

     “Good luck.” She choked, opening her eyes again. She held his gaze, and his hand came crashing down.

 

     “She’s coming around.” Evelyn stirred softly, her thoughts rising slowly to the surface like soap-bubbles, bursting and coalescing and bursting again. “Evie, can you hear me?”

     “No.” Evelyn grumbled softly, turning away from the noise that was intruding on her blessed, blessed sleep. Unfortunately, she heard loud sighs of relief and hands were suddenly touching her. Grumpily, she pried her unwilling eyes open and glowered up into the face of Jennifer Keller.

     “Hey there, sleeping beauty.” Another voice intruded on her headache and she turned her head little, seeing John leaning over her bed. “Rise and shine princess, we’ve all been worried about you.”

     “Wh—“She began to grouse and suddenly she shot straight up in bed, her hand slamming to her breastbone with enough force to sting. Her heart slammed painfully against her ribs and she looked down, finding a neat red scar puckering the space between her breasts. “Fuck me…”

     “Yeah. About that.” John tossed something onto the bed and her wide eyes landed on the tablet that now rested next to her blanketed legs. She lifted her gaze slowly and met his, her green eyes against his brown and the hard look in them.

     “I…he…but I…the data…”

     “We got it.” John nodded. “And when your brother get’s over the shock, he’ll be down to talk about it with you.”

     “But…”

     “Yeah.” John leaned his weight against the bed and crossed his arms. She looked over at Jennifer, whose pensive face reflected what Evelyn was feeling.

     “I don’t understand.” She said softly, her fingers tracing the scar between her breasts. “I don…where’s Todd?”

     “Upstairs with Rodney in the lab. They’re not talking to each other.” Jennifer said quietly, “Do you want me…”

     “No.” Evelyn shook her head, slowly settling back onto the bed, confusion and relief and fear tumbling over and over in her thoughts. She reached out with one hand and dragged the tablet towards her. She was not surprised that when she brought up the welcome screen the first thing she saw was her own face. The message had been watched and was ready to restart. She turned the tablet off and looked at her fingers. “John…?”

     “Yes?”

     “You didn’t hurt him did you?”

     “No. You told me not to.” He said, scowling. “Ronon might have taken a swing or two though. Todd was a good sport about it.”

     “He saved my life.” She said softly, her hands knotting tightly around one another.

     “Yeah. After you agreed to let him take it.” John sighed and scrubbed his face. “Look. You get some rest—“

     “Come get me when Todd gets ready to leave. I want to see him.” She lifted her face and held John’s gaze for a long moment before he slowly nodded.

     “Thanks.” His hand came out and gave hers a gentle squeeze, his fingers pressing into her skin as if he could convey all of his feelings with that simple touch. When he let go, he stuffed his hands into his back pockets and bobbed on his feet.

     "Well, I’ll um…let you sleep.” With one last uncomfortable shrug he departed, leaving Evelyn and Jennifer looking at one another.

     “That was a crazy brave thing you did.” Jennifer said softly, smoothing the blankets around Evelyn’s legs to ease the nervous tension in her body.

     “I was really scared.” Evelyn admitted quietly, looking away from the worried woman’s face. “It hurts by the way. It really hurts.”

     “Evie…you don’t mean what you said—“

     “I did and I still do.” She replied quietly, shaking her head. “I just didn’t expect to have to look at everybody after admitting it. Fucking Todd, screwed up my noble death.” She shook her head, but the joke fell flat. Jennifer’s fingers reached out suddenly and closed over Evelyn’s hand, tightening spastically.

     “Everyone is really glad he did.” The doctor said softly and to Evelyn’s surprise she suddenly bent and pressed a kiss to her hair before departing in a hurry. Evelyn leaned back against her pillows, closed her eyes, and cried quietly until she fell asleep again.

     It felt surreal to walk the distance between the infirmary and the gate room. Everything looked weirdly bright, faces were strangely clear. Evelyn might have put it down to superstitious mumbo-jumbo having just come back from the dead and all, but she suspected it was the remains of the enzyme Todd had pumped into her system. Jennifer had reassured her that while the dose was pretty hefty, it was nowhere near addictive.

     Her brother had yet to speak to her, which was so unlike him that Evelyn felt a little uneasy about what he would say when he finally _did_ get around to shouting at her. Teyla had of course stopped in, along with John, to play cards with her and update her on all the newest gossip. She was slightly disappointed that Ronon hadn’t come down, but she knew too that he hated the infirmary and—she suspected—he hated it even more now that Jennifer and Rodney had been passing blushing glances for the last few months.

     The gateroom itself was full of people, guards mostly, with their guns trained on John and Todd who stood at the center of the group, talking quietly. Todd looked up when she made her way through, her crutches squeaking on the freshly polished floor. Teyla and Ronon stood off to the side, Ronon with his arms crossed and a scowl on his face. The look he was directing at Todd was less than complimentary and she wondered if he would ever learn to trust their Wraith ally. She wondered if she trusted him.

     “Evelyn.” Todd greeted her as she arrived. “They told me that you have made a full recovery.”

     “Yes.” She agreed quietly and John’s face registered some discomfort. “If you don’t mind, I’d like a word.”She said to him and John’s lips turned down in a slight frown. “He’s already eaten me once—what’s the worst he can do?” She asked jokingly and Todd chuckled.

     “I will keep my hands, as you say, where you can see them.” The Wraith rumbled in his most pleasant voice.

     “Chuck, dial the gate would you. I’ll be right over there.” John told her uneasily, pointing to where Ronon and Teyla stood. As he walked away, the gate began to power up, the mechanical whir of the dialing sequence drowning out the softer noises of the gate room.

     “You carried me through the damn storm.” She said quietly, looking up at him. He was very tall, she realized, very tall and very large. Somehow, looking into his face, she was no longer afraid of him.

     “Well, you weighed very little.” He admitted. “Especially in your advanced state of cellular decay. The cold helped slow the process, it held you quite nicely just at the edge.”

     “You didn’t have to save me.”

     “No I didn’t.” He agreed reasonably. The gate’s vortex spiraled out into the space before it, she could feel the subtle vibration in the floor beneath her feet as she looked up at him. Breaking his gaze she started towards the gate, the huge Wraith adjusting his pace to her slower, shuffling one. As they near the silvery, shifting portal she paused, drawing up short and balancing herself on her crutches.

     “I even gave you an out and it would have been a lot easier just to suck me dry and go on your own. And then you had to give back what you took.” She said, chewing on the inside of her cheek. She looked up at him, but he didn’t respond, only smiled a little wider and clasped his hands behind his back.

     “My back doesn’t hurt anymore. Jennifer says the enzyme is helping to restore some of the circulation to the damaged tissues. Maybe even _repair_ a little of the tissue damage. I’ll never walk like everybody else…but less pain is certainly pleasant.” She tilted her head, eyes bright. “She told me that the enzyme in my system is a bit more than would be necessary to revive me.”

     “Did she?” He leaned towards her, his pupils dilating a little with the intensity of his focus. She looked up at his face, his strange alien face and suddenly she grinned. She leaned up, putting one hand on his chest and pressed her mouth against the corner of his, feeling him stiffen in surprise before she let him go. “As I understand it, this is a human gesture of courtship in genetically unrelated pairs. I thought you said I was too old for you.” He rumbled and she laughed.

     “Well, apparently you don’t have any cute sons.” She replied easily, grinning up at him for a second before she stepped back, towards the gate room. “You’d better go before your brother decides to lock you up out of spite.” Together they looked back at John, where he stood with arms crossed and eyes narrowed.

     “Perhaps I should, at that.” He held John’s gaze for a moment longer before looking away, turning towards the portal. Then he turned back to her, unexpectedly. “Until we meet again Evelyn McCay.” He gave her a short bow and then turned, vanishing through the portal with a soft, wet _‘pop’._

     When the portal disappeared, she turned and found herself alone, except for Ronon who was glowering after his enemy with his arms crossed and eyes narrowed. The security detail had dissipated like smoke before a breeze, John and Teyla had vanished with them. No doubt, she thought mildly, to secret themselves away somewhere to discuss this recent kindness on the part of their Wraith ally. Teyla would argue that Todd possessed some inner goodness that tempered his inherent Wraith instincts and John would argue that Todd was using this ‘favor’ as a way to manipulate his position among them. And, she supposed with a ripple of amusement, they would both be correct.

     She smiled a little to herself, stretched her spine just because she could, and shuffled over to where Ronon stood.

     “I’ll kill him.” Ronon rumbled and she grinned, leaning back on her crutches and lifting her feet off the floor to balance like an acrobat for a few seconds. She knew she imagined it, but it felt as if her range of motion was better already. Jennifer had even hinted that it might be possible to take a few of the pins out that held her lower spine so rigidly. Any hope was hope enough she thought.

     “I know.” She agreed happily, her good mood only brightened by the stalwart predictability of her companion. Ronon turned away from the gate and looked down at her, surprising her by reaching out and lifting the corner of her uniform jacket. His eyes traced the red scar on her breastbone.

     “It’s healing.” He said quietly and she tilted her head, “What you did was stupid.”

     “I know.” She said again. “But I figured that of all the lives to loose, mine was the least cost.” She shrugged, “And I didn’t have much choice.”

     “Stupid.” He grumbled and surprised her again by chucking her lightly under the chin and giving her a sudden grin. “But brave. Like me.”

     “Why, I think that’s a compliment.” She returned his grin, following suite when he turned and started towards the stairs. “Ronon,” She said and he paused, looking back at her with that big silly grin on his face. She felt her courage fail her and she let out a short breath. “Come on, I’m hungry.” She gave his lower back a whack with one of her crutches and he mocked grimaced in pain before scooping her up, squealing and scowling, to haul her off to the mess.

     She wondered, as she laughed at one of his stupid jokes, if she’d ever get the nerve up to intentionally ask him to a meal. Maybe even ask him back to her rooms after. She leaned back in her seat, shoving her tray towards him so he could finish off the last of her noodles and the rest of her steak. Some things she thought, with only a touch of sadness, can’t be cured even by death. Cowardice being one of them.

**Author's Note:**

> So thank you for reading. If you're confused, I've done my job. If you're not confused, I've STILL done my job, lol. Also, I really enjoyed writing Evelyn and am toying with the idea of making her a fully-fledged character with a real non-challenge story. Anyone interested?


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